10 Reasons Why I Don’t Want to “Make a Difference” Anymore
This year, I chose to teach at inner-city, Title I, school in
Houston, Texas. I wanted to make a
difference, and legitimately thought that I could. We’ve all seen those
inspirational teaching movies, Freedom
Writers, Coach Carter, Dead Poets’ Society, where the teacher comes to a
struggling school and is able to make a difference in the students’ lives
through engagement and authentic learning experiences.
I wanted to be one of those teachers. I don’t mean to brag,
but I’m a great teacher, and I really thought I could do that. I really thought
I was going to make a difference and have a rewarding and inspirational
experience—just like in the movies. I've made a difference at other schools, and thought it would work here, too.
Now, at the end of the school year, here are 10 reasons why
I don’t want to stay and “make a difference” anymore.
1.
Gang
Culture Glorified- Much of my time is
spent trying to break up fights, discouraging gang signs and activity, and
encouraging kids to stop watching videos of other kids getting jumped. Near the
beginning of the year, I was hit in the face while trying to break up a fight
that erupted in my classroom. There was an “official” Fight Week, orchestrated
by students on Twitter—20 fights in one week. When violent fights break out in
the hall, administrators often can’t get to the source of the problem, because
so many kids have their phones out, trying to get video the carnage. Students called
it “entertaining,” when a kid was sent to the hospital after having his face smashed
into the floor.
2. Revolting Language- The language enough is enough to make me
want to turn around and walk back out of the door every morning. I hear every
cuss word known to man, every day. I hear vile descriptions of sexual acts,
torture, and more than I ever want to pass on to another human being’s ears. I am
often called a “bitch” to my face. Once, when I took participation points from
a student, he threatened “put a target on my back.”
3. Myopic Test Focus- Everything is about the STAAR test—and data. When I asked about a novel
I wanted to study with my students, a fellow teacher said, “If it’s not on the
test, we don’t cover it.” When writing benchmark assessments, we are forced to
copy and paste questions from old STAAR tests, and substitute in titles of
poems and names of characters.
When
writing a test on punctuation and editing, I wrote “What change, if any, needs
to be made to the following sentence?”—as I was planning to put an option of “no
change” into the answers. I was strongly rebuked, told that we “never” use the
phrase “if any,” because that’s not how it’s tested on STAAR. I was told that I
should write “What change needs to be made to the following sentence?”—just
exactly how it appears on the STAAR test. I added the two words “if any” to the
question, and suddenly it was inappropriate test material.
We give
these practice tests at least once every two weeks. The kids are so sick of
testing that they just go to sleep the instant they see a test. They don’t try
at all.
4. PLC- “Peer Learning Communities” here strongly resemble communist systems. A
complete lack of autonomy for teachers is in place, all to keep lower-performing
teachers in line. We are not allowed to teach our own lessons, unless they have
been approved by at least two administrators, and the whole group is to be
teaching that approved lesson in “lock-step.” (Keep in mind, all of us have
college degrees and years of experience.) The building principal even went so far
as to say that she expected each class to be “within 5 minutes of each other”
in the same lesson. She wants to be able to walk out of one classroom and into
another and feel like she was in the same class the whole time. If students
needed deviation for clarification—well—we should’ve just taught it correctly
the first time. In addition, many teachers who do not perform are not punished.
A teacher was literally caught sleeping during her class, allowing students to
leave at any time for lunch, and sexually harassing coworkers, and was not let
go. Good teachers are not rewarded, and low-performing teachers are never punished.
Because they treat all teachers as irresponsible, uneducated, low performers
with this system, administration spends much of their time micromanaging, and
adding “strategies” to our lessons that do not add authentic learning, just
busy work for us and our students.
5.
Racism
& Reverse-Racism- The racist
culture at this school is absurd. There is definitely reverse-racism at this
school. I am often criticized because of my race: “All you white people just
think that…” Many students refer to each other as “that beaner” or “that black
kid” or “that white kid.” Many students believe that any criticism directed at
them is because of their race. If I tell a student their behavior is
inappropriate, the response is often, “Why are you picking on me?! ‘Cause I’m
[insert race here]?! You wouldn’t tell a white kid that!”
I had a student who failed my class because he
didn’t turn in a major project; later on in the year, I had to have a parent
conference with his parents, because they believed I was targeting him based on
his race, and “maliciously” trying to make his life miserable.
6.
Mindless Meetings-
The micromanagement here is unbelievable.
We have meetings every day, with principals literally breathing over our
shoulders to make sure we are “on-task” and looking at the latest STAAR data
projections for each individual student. We are treated like misbehaving students,
not as professionals or colleagues.
7.
Bullying-
I have been bullied at this school in one
year more than I was ever bullied in High School, Middle School, and Elementary
School combined—and I am a teacher.
Not only do students bully other students for
being “fags,” “fat,” “ugly,” dumb mother f***ing idiot,” “n***ers,” “bitches,”
etc., but students also bully teachers. I am criticized by students for the way
I do my makeup, the way I match my clothes, my jewelry I wear, and much more. I
had students tell me that I looked like a stupid “Nickelodeon re-run.”
8.
Academically-Low
Students- The students that need help
are either constantly in ISS, or uninterested in being helped. Many of these
students are beyond being helped at the level they are being taught. I had one
student, a Sophomore, ask me, genuinely, who Hitler was.
There
are students in an ESL class (English as a Second Language) because their
English is so “ghetto” that they can’t read/communicate in standard English.
Many
of these students are academically low, because they have no self-control and
can’t focus. I have students, often repeatedly, shouting out famous lines from
Vines during class, or randomly “dabbing” in the middle of a test when there is
no music on. There are times when students are so entranced with dancing in
class that I legitimately couldn’t tell if they are on drugs or not.
Many
kids I try to help are extremely disrespectful. I have one student who will
never do his written work. I asked him why one day, and he said that he
couldn’t afford a notebook. I brought him a notebook the next day. He lost the
notebook. I brought him another one, and he proceeded to rip it in half in
front of me, and then refuse to do any work. Many of these students are so low,
academically, that they refuse to try any longer.
9.
Diploma
factory- If you look at the failure
rate at this school, it’s not the best, but it’s okay. However, it teachers
taught and graded authentically, and accurate data was taken, at least 90% of
my students would’ve failed this year. Kids don’t bring paper or pencils, refuse
to turn in assignments, and often just do really shabby work when they are
capable of doing so much more. When teachers fail a certain percentage of
students, even if they are justified, they are called into the principal’s
office and coerced into changing the grade. This has happened to me at least
once.
10.
Waking up
early- My smallest and last reason: I
am sick of waking up early only to walk into the school and smell weed every
morning. When I walk down the hall, I can smell it coming from school restrooms,
deserted halls, and even once from a classroom.
This place is not a
school. This is a juvenile delinquent center that just happens to be staffed by
teachers.
I have felt too much
hatred and inadequacy this year to stay here. There are some things that can be
changed, and some that cannot.
My experience at this
school has been watching students, administrators, and teachers dumping water
onto the grease-fire that is education--all year long. I know that water
doesn’t put out grease fires, and I’m not going to stay here and go up in
flames, too.
Zen Prayer:
“Change the things
that can be changed, accept those that cannot, and have the wisdom to know the
difference.”
